“People should not have to pay to come and see someone like me just to get access to that education about how their mind works.”

A book that starts off this way immediately has my attention. This is an amazing nonfiction book about mental health and ways to truly help yourself and/or the people you care about. This is rich with tips, advice, and suggestions on what to do when you are at your lowest or even just need a little boost. Unlike most books on this market, this one isn’t filled with fluff about ‘thinking positive’ or ‘not letting the bad days win’, instead the advice genuinely works and is helpful for those that are truly struggling with deep issues. I am being completely honest when I say that the first half of this book was more helpful to me than the 2+ years I spent in therapy. Some of the best takeaways I got from this book were:

Not: “just think positive”
Instead: Accept thoughts and learn to reduce their debilitating affects by recognizing harmful thought patterns and by choosing which thoughts to dedicate your full attention towards

Not: “exercise will make it all better”
Instead: Move your body in a way that you actually enjoy, don’t force yourself to work out in ways you don’t like just for the sake of it as it will increase unhappiness, instead find ways to move your body daily that you actually enjoy doing. Also, nature is extremely beneficial so the typical gym may not necessarily be the best answer of where to move your body.

Not: “CBT is the best and should be the end all be all”
Instead: Both CFT and DBT are really great alternatives and could be more beneficial for someone like me.

Not: “you’re brain is different and you have to learn to live with it”
Instead: Many people struggle with negative and worrisome thoughts who aren’t even diagnosed with an official illness. The brain itself is ‘flawed’ as it is designed to care what others think and be prepared for danger. Your brain isn’t damaged in comparison to others because you have a mental illness.

Not: “you’ll live this way forever just get used to it”
Instead: A mental health issue may mean you are more prone to certain struggles but it does not mean you can’t lessen the severity through helpful treatments and have a great quality of life.

Not: “you’ll only feel good once you achieve a goal”
Instead: “Do not underestimate small steps and steady progress.”

Not: “don’t listen to criticism”
Instead: “If you want a man to get up off the ground, you have to stop beating him. The key to using all criticism to your advantage is having your own back, having so much self-compassion that you are able to listen to criticism and decide which of that criticism you will take on board and use to your advantage as a learning experience, and which voices offer you nothing but dents in your self-esteem and crushed confidence.” As well as, at the end of the day, you have to live with yourself, if it’s not harming you or going against your values, don’t let the critics decide for you if it’s right for you are not.

Not: “don’t care what others think “
Instead: We are built to care what others think since it was a survival mechanism in the past, so instead learn who to focus on (do they actually have good intentions/would you take advice from this person) and what constructive criticism actually is (insults are not constructive)

Not: “say affirmations”
Instead: Affirmations can actually make you feel worse since your inner voice will come up with reasons why you’re not strong, loved, etc. Instead recognize part of being human is sometimes not feeling strong and that’s okay and completely normal

Not: “always listen to your thoughts”
Instead: “Thoughts are not facts. They are guesses, stories, memories, ideas and theories. They are a construct offered to you by your brain as one potential explanation for the sensations you are experiencing right now.”

Not: “focus on the positives”
Instead: “The brain naturally wants to focus on threatening information because its job is to keep us safe. If we are already stressed or anxious, then the brain will do that even more. The brain receives the information from the body that all is not well, and starts scanning the environment (and your memory) for possible reasons. This is when the mental filter kicks into action. Your brain is on a mission to make sense of the anxiety symptoms.” It’s not possible to completely ignore anxious thoughts

Not: “you’re just an anxious person”
Instead: “If you experience a period of anxiety in your life, and from that point label yourself as an anxious person, you start to form a concept for your self and your identity which then impacts on how you expect to feel and behave in the future. Each emotion, behavior and period in our lives is temporary and not necessarily a reflection of who we are permanently. It's much harder to change an identity as an anxious person than it is to simply reduce anxiety.”

Not: “all stress is bad - eliminate stress from your life”
Instead: “So when you feel those signs of stress as you start a presentation at work or in school, your body is helping you to perform at your best. In those situations, we don't want complete calm and relaxation. We want to be alert and clear-thinking so that me can achieve whatever goal we are working on at the time. What we don't want is for that stress to be so high that it has a detrimental effect on our performance or causes us to escape and avoid. Learning how to turn the dial down on that stress when we don't need it and turn it up when we do need it is the foundation of healthy stress management.”

Overall, this is one of the most helpful books I’ve ever read. I honestly think every single person should pick this up.

Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? - Likewise Book Reviews

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