My therapist led me to this book.

Don't let my three-star rating fool you. I have my reasons for giving it a middle-of-the-road rating that are completely my own, which I will get into, but that does not discount the fact that this workbook will give anyone reading it a good dose of self-love and stable steps to guide you through almost any obstacle.

"The principles of the Twelve Steps work well in any area of our lives where we're having trouble. That's likely why so many different kinds of Twelve Step groups have begun. From dealing with financial problems to eating disorders, gambling, sexually acting out, having to be in love, suffering from phobias, and excessive fear and anxiety, if these Steps are applied to the problem, they'll be the solution."

This book contains Twelve Steps, Twelve Guides, to help guide you outta pickles, and by doing so will help you manage your emotions, thoughts, and ultimately lead you closer to self-love and trust within yourself.

"As I make an honest effort to work the Twelve Steps and follow the Twelve Traditions...
1. I know a new sense of belonging. The feeling of emptiness and loneliness will disappear.
2. I am no longer controlled by my fears. I overcome my fears and act with courage, integrity and dignity.
3. I know a new freedom.
4. I release myself from worry, guilt and regret about my past and present. I am aware enough not to repeat it.
5. I know a new love and acceptance of myself and others. I feel genuinely lovable, loving and loved.
6. I learn to see myself as equal to others. My new and renewed relationships are all with equal partners.
7. I am capable of developing and maintaining healthy and loving relationships. The need to control and manipulate others will disappear as I learn to trust those who are trustworthy.
8. I learn that it is possible to mend -- to become more loving, intimate and supportive. I have the choice of communicating with my family in a way which is safe for me and respectful of them.
9. I acknowledge that I am a unique and precious creation.
10. I no longer need to rely solely on others to provide my sense of worth.
11. I trust the guidance I receive from my Higher Power and come to believe in my own capabilities.
12. I gradually experience serenity, strength and spiritual growth in my daily life."

The Twelve Steps and overcoming codependency in this book heavily relies on a higher power:

"Step Two: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

For individuals who are struggling with religion, higher powers, spirituality, or the term God as Him - like me - may struggle with parts of this book. Or maybe individuals who are set in their beliefs, and it doesn't include God as Him.

"Some women who have been abused by their fathers have expressed difficulty turning their wills and lives over the care of an omnipotent God referred to as a male father figure."

Ouch.

Religion, God, and a higher power isn't for everyone. And when that is a reoccurring topic in a book meant to help someone struggling with codependency, mental illness, or just a rough chapter in their life, a person who is struggling with God, religion, or God as Him may have a hard time separating steps with their own emotional triggers or, simply, their beliefs. I felt I had a harder time stepping away from my own emotions to grasp the message. Ultimately, I wish this book was more Higher Power neutral that also aims to the agnostics, atheists, and religions who practices more with nature, the universe, or multiple gods.

I talked with my therapist about this -- that what if someone reading this was atheist. How can they apply their beliefs with these steps? And this is a major topic missed in this book: acknowledging the options for others who have different beliefs, or who are unsure of their beliefs, and how this can apply to them.

Regardless, talking about spirituality is an incredibly important step; it's a way to tell you that you are loved - even with your faults, your sadness, your anger, whatever it is that weighs you down, you are loved. For me - it helped me see what the Universe was telling me, guiding me, in order to heal from hard chapters in my life.

"Part of a spiritual awakening for someone suffering from codependency is learning that you are real. You count. You matter. You have a life. You deserve to be free of abuse. More than that, you can take care of yourself."

The activities in this workbook are definitely therapeutic. Everyone is going to have a different way of approaching these activities and getting through this book. For me, I didn't accomplish all the tasks, but it still gave me a wider view of my needs with what I read. I am fully aware that this is a book that one will need to go through multiple times - for the reminders and the activities - but that's recovery; either from codependency, depression, anxiety - really - any mental illness, or a tough chapter. It's baby steps and reminders. Get through this book once, obtain what you can. Process, work the steps the best you can, then do it all over again.

"All you need to do is your best."

If you are reading my review, then you are most likely going through something which is why you are looking at this book - maybe a friend recommended it, maybe your therapist brought you here, or maybe you are walking alone on your journey to healing and self-love -- I want to tell you that you got this, you are worthy, and you are seen. And it's okay to feel your feelings. Whatever you are going through, take a step back and acknowledge that you are not alone. This is just another chapter in your life leading you to your next chapter.

My favorite quotes, passages that resonated with me, or things that I noted:

"In love and dignity, speak the truth -- as we think, feel and know it -- and it shall set us free."

"Don't let guilt keep you in a situation where you're being punished or abused."

"Being happy means surrendering to and feeling all of our feelings, not just feeling happy."

"When we believe lies and obsess about other people, we love touch with ourselves, our emotions, and out intuition. We lose touch with what we know is true."

"Letting go means we acknowledge that we're not responsible for the other person. We're responsible for ourselves."

"While control is an illusion, surrendering and letting go are real."

"Many of us believe we don't deserve to have and achieve our dreams, and that's sad. It's easy to keep the bar set low for ourselves in all parts of our life: work, relationships, money."

"Take a breath. Look around. You have a right to be here. You matter and you count. Where you are is where you belong. This world that may have been so unkind transforms as we transform. What you believe is what you'll get."

"...it was essential to trust myself. I learned that if something felt right to me, I could trust my impressions."

"I've seen wonderful things happen to people, as well as terrible tragedies. There are no guarantees, but chances are that at some point, life is going to hurt like hell. That person or thing you valued most may be what you're going to lose. You may have to live without the one thing you said you couldn't or wouldn't. The blessings are going to be better than you can imagine, but you may also go through pain that's so intense you think it couldn't get any worse."

"Go in, eyes wide open. Don't worry about what will occur and when. The things we worry about aren't usually the ones that happen. The things that cause the most pain will catch us by surprise some ordinary Saturday afternoon, and life will never again be the same."

"Be present each moment for yourself and the people you love. Grace is like breathing. We can't get ahead of ourselves; we only get the breath we need now, and we only get one breath at a time."

"Happiness is not the lack of problems or pain. Happiness is surrendering to every feeling that comes along and being at peace with what is, even if I'm feeling white-hot rage."

"People say that we can't change the past, but that's not true. We can change it by how we perceive it, and whether we use it to become and stay victims, or to show ourselves how strong we are.... The goal of this work is to feel everything we need to feel that we didn't feel before, and then to release the emotions, forgive other people and ourselves so we can love and respect ourselves, and feel confident in our ability to love other people too."

"Another one of our shortcomings may be that we don't ask for the help we need because we don't want to burden anyone. We think we should be able to handle everything by ourselves, no matter how hard is it or how bad we feel. But if you need support or just an evening out with a friend, ask."

"Progress, not perfection."

Codependent No More Workbook - Likewise Book Reviews

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